MAN-IMALS

Some animals are weak and wimpy, and also delicious.

You will become fine cutlets:

Others, though, are more badass and manly. Look at this dog.

Look at him:

You aren't tough enough to wear a jacket like that. This dog would guard the shit out of your house, and also maybe be immortal.

This cat is in a rock band.

Also, a little bit 'shopped:

And that drummer had better not screw up, because as we all know, your cat will kill you.

Speaking of 'shopped things, there's this, too.

So realistic:

Silly people; bears don't need chainsaws to be manly. They will beat you the hell up merely with their massive claws. (Good thing you know how to fight them off.)

I feel as though I've been unfairly focusing on mammals. Surely, we can get some manly arthropods in here?

Yep:

How many knife fights have you been in recently? And when was the last time you broke a coconut in half with one hand?

Like this guy monstrosity:

This crab doesn't care about your puny human laws. He'll rip apart your rubbish bin just because he can.

So, as you can see, nature provides us with many examples of how to be manly. But of course, there are far too many to fit into one post; stay tuned for a second instalment later this month!

- The Webmaster

The Art of Bear Wrestling

Recently my calculus teacher saw a bear in her yard. Since she didn't know the proper way to handle a bear, she hid in her house. I'm here to help people with problems like this. Let's get started.

1. The first step is the most important: Rush the bear. When a bear gets to run towards you, the momentum behind it is more than enough to vaporize you.

2. WRESTLE. Once you get into the actual wrestling, you have to understand that bears are ruthless, and they WILL fight dirty. As you can see in this picture, the bear appears to be spanking this man to emotionally degrade and humiliate him.

3. Once you have wrestled with the bear for over 3 hours, he will start to slow down. This is your chance to disembowel the beast. Hold your pointer finger up and push it into his stomach, opening your fingers as you do this to get your whole fist into the animal.

4. After the demon has expired, you MUST take a part of the animal; tooth, claw etc. This is to ensure that the bear cannot fight its way out of hell and back into its body.

5. Celebrate! You have just killed your first bear! You can celebrate anyway you like, such as ice cream cake, or bear meat.

- Vexil