Manly Men Require Manly Dogs

Because as we all know, dogs are man's best friend. (What kind of fruit would have cats?)

If your dog is an ordinary mortal, though, it's not manly enough. You need to make it. . . immortal.



(More from The Midnight Show)

Actually, I take back that statement about cats. Some cats are pretty manly.

Man-imals 2 preview:

But remember, don't let your pet become manlier than you are, or else it won't obey you. Unless you have an Earth Badge.

- The Webmaster

MAN-IMALS

Some animals are weak and wimpy, and also delicious.

You will become fine cutlets:

Others, though, are more badass and manly. Look at this dog.

Look at him:

You aren't tough enough to wear a jacket like that. This dog would guard the shit out of your house, and also maybe be immortal.

This cat is in a rock band.

Also, a little bit 'shopped:

And that drummer had better not screw up, because as we all know, your cat will kill you.

Speaking of 'shopped things, there's this, too.

So realistic:

Silly people; bears don't need chainsaws to be manly. They will beat you the hell up merely with their massive claws. (Good thing you know how to fight them off.)

I feel as though I've been unfairly focusing on mammals. Surely, we can get some manly arthropods in here?

Yep:

How many knife fights have you been in recently? And when was the last time you broke a coconut in half with one hand?

Like this guy monstrosity:

This crab doesn't care about your puny human laws. He'll rip apart your rubbish bin just because he can.

So, as you can see, nature provides us with many examples of how to be manly. But of course, there are far too many to fit into one post; stay tuned for a second instalment later this month!

- The Webmaster

Who Ever Said 'Running Isn't Manly'?

There is a myth that exists in this country: The only real manly sport is football. That, my friends, is a total misconception; there are tons of manly sports out there that are equal to, or exceeding, the manliness of American football!

Today I plan on focusing on one sport in particular, that sport being long distance running.

Long distance running consists of a variety of different events, including:

- the 5 kilometer

- the 10 k

- the 42 k

- Ultramarathons

I bet you're thinking, 'Sure, I've gone on a jog before! Anyone can run!'

But let's take a look at ultramarathons, the manliest of all long distance running. Have you ever heard of the Badwater Ultramarathon? It's taken place every July for 32 years now, in Death Valley California. . . that's right: DEATH. VALLEY. CALIFORNIA. Can you think of a more manly place to hold an ultramarathon? Don't even try, you'll hurt yourself.

A taste of Badwater:

It covers 135 miles of running, through one of the hottest place on the earth! Temperatures during the race have been recorded up to 55°! You have to run on the white line, or your shoe soles will literally melt off.

But it's not only the races that make long distance running one of the manliest sports on the planet; it's the people, too.

Right now, I am only going to focus on a few special people. The first man is known as 'the face of long distance running'; at one point in time he held all 7 official long distance running records in the US. And he had a badass moustache. The only man I could be talking about is the one and only Steve Prefontaine.

Look at that 'stache!

Prefontaine had a certain badassery about him. He pretty much sums up long distance running. Period. He has one extremely famous quote that I'd like to share:

"The best pace is a suicide pace, and today is a good day to die."

Holy crap. Does that not get the testosterone flowing‽ Sadly, this superstar died in a car accident at the young age of 24, but like they say: only the good die young.

This next, and last, manly man I'd like to show you goes by the name of Dave Wottle. Wottle raced in the 1972 Olympic games in the shortest of all distance races, the 800 meter. I don't have to say anything more, the video says it all:

If those three examples of how obviously badass long distance running can be don't convince you of it's sheer testosterone-pumping insanity, then I don't know if you'll ever appreciate true manliness.

With manly love,
- The Situation

THE PUNCHLINE IS MACHISMO

Cartoonist and geek Kelly Turnbull, a woman after my own heart, has created the badass webcomic 'Manly Guys doing Manly Things'.

Strip 1:

Follow the exploits of Captain Badass, Kratos, Ganon, Dante, and all of your favourite manly video game characters, whenever the comic is updated. Which is an infrequent occurrence, but. . . UNPREDICTABLE POSTING SCHEDULES ARE MANLY! HAAAH!

Also, check back in a few days for a full webcomic roundup, and tomorrow for a post by one of the other admins. (Finally!)

- The Webmaster