Huh? . . . This old thing?

Oh, right, I have a blog thing.

Yeah. . .

So, like, there's a whole month for growing beards?

Or, [meat], [booze], [tits], [martial arts]?

Whatever. I'm going back to Minecraft.

. . .

. . .

. . .

This too:

Now, have to go drain a subterranean lava lake. . .

. . .

Announcement: DESERT BUS

You know what's manly? Sleep deprivation.

You know what else is manly? Video games from the 90s.

You know what's even manlier? Kicking disease's ass.

So, what happens when you combine all three? Desert Bus for Hope, that's what.

Think of DBfH as a five-day-long party, entirely interactive and streamed over the Web. Watch internet celebrities slowly go insane! See them poorly sing, dance, and otherwise embarrass themselves at the request of sick people like you! And marvel at all of the shiny, shiny prizes that get auctioned off! For the children.

If you want to read a full description of the event, just step right this way.

Here is an example of the (manly) shenanigans perpetrated during DBfH:




Did you find that in any way amusing? Then tune in for. . .

Desert Bus for Hope IV

Kicking off at

21.00 (9.00 pm) EST

on

Friday, 19 November 2010

Presented by

LoadingReadyRun

and broadcast live on

UStream.tv

Be there.

- The Webmaster

Manly Men Require Manly Dogs

Because as we all know, dogs are man's best friend. (What kind of fruit would have cats?)

If your dog is an ordinary mortal, though, it's not manly enough. You need to make it. . . immortal.



(More from The Midnight Show)

Actually, I take back that statement about cats. Some cats are pretty manly.

Man-imals 2 preview:

But remember, don't let your pet become manlier than you are, or else it won't obey you. Unless you have an Earth Badge.

- The Webmaster

Wise words to keep in mind

What will your epitaph be?

- The Webmaster

Week 1 wrap-up

So, MANTASTIC has now been up and running for a full week, and what a week it's been.

Surprisingly, everything went more smoothly that I could have hoped for, and was more fun than I'd expected. It feels like, after years of reading blogs, and thinking about considering starting my own, I've been able to hit the ground running and get into stride almost immediately. At this point, I can safely say that this experiment was a success, and the site isn't going anywhere.

Of course, it hasn't been without its problems. There have been posting errors, internal laziness, and a few very vocal haters getting in the way. These seemed like daunting problems at first, but looking at them now, it was silly to worry about them. I think we're through, and finally settled into a groove.

More important than haters, though, are all of the fans. I, on behalf of both myself and the other admins, would like to thank everyone who's visited, commented, 'liked' a link, subscribed to the RSS feed, or spread the word. And I'd especially like to thank Vexil, The Situation, and Drew for being part of the team, as well as A Number of Days of Nothing and Laxsith's Music Dump for following us on Blogger.

Now that this first rollout week is over, and we've (almost) delivered on our promise of daily updates, we're going to slow it down a little bit. No worries, though; there's still plenty of content. It'll just be posted every few days from now on. (Of course, it'll be slightly more often if you guys send stuff in.)

I'm glad you were all here to see the beginning of this blog, and to make it as much of a success as it was.

Stay macho, my friends.

- The Webmaster

MAN-IMALS

Some animals are weak and wimpy, and also delicious.

You will become fine cutlets:

Others, though, are more badass and manly. Look at this dog.

Look at him:

You aren't tough enough to wear a jacket like that. This dog would guard the shit out of your house, and also maybe be immortal.

This cat is in a rock band.

Also, a little bit 'shopped:

And that drummer had better not screw up, because as we all know, your cat will kill you.

Speaking of 'shopped things, there's this, too.

So realistic:

Silly people; bears don't need chainsaws to be manly. They will beat you the hell up merely with their massive claws. (Good thing you know how to fight them off.)

I feel as though I've been unfairly focusing on mammals. Surely, we can get some manly arthropods in here?

Yep:

How many knife fights have you been in recently? And when was the last time you broke a coconut in half with one hand?

Like this guy monstrosity:

This crab doesn't care about your puny human laws. He'll rip apart your rubbish bin just because he can.

So, as you can see, nature provides us with many examples of how to be manly. But of course, there are far too many to fit into one post; stay tuned for a second instalment later this month!

- The Webmaster

Who Ever Said 'Running Isn't Manly'?

There is a myth that exists in this country: The only real manly sport is football. That, my friends, is a total misconception; there are tons of manly sports out there that are equal to, or exceeding, the manliness of American football!

Today I plan on focusing on one sport in particular, that sport being long distance running.

Long distance running consists of a variety of different events, including:

- the 5 kilometer

- the 10 k

- the 42 k

- Ultramarathons

I bet you're thinking, 'Sure, I've gone on a jog before! Anyone can run!'

But let's take a look at ultramarathons, the manliest of all long distance running. Have you ever heard of the Badwater Ultramarathon? It's taken place every July for 32 years now, in Death Valley California. . . that's right: DEATH. VALLEY. CALIFORNIA. Can you think of a more manly place to hold an ultramarathon? Don't even try, you'll hurt yourself.

A taste of Badwater:

It covers 135 miles of running, through one of the hottest place on the earth! Temperatures during the race have been recorded up to 55°! You have to run on the white line, or your shoe soles will literally melt off.

But it's not only the races that make long distance running one of the manliest sports on the planet; it's the people, too.

Right now, I am only going to focus on a few special people. The first man is known as 'the face of long distance running'; at one point in time he held all 7 official long distance running records in the US. And he had a badass moustache. The only man I could be talking about is the one and only Steve Prefontaine.

Look at that 'stache!

Prefontaine had a certain badassery about him. He pretty much sums up long distance running. Period. He has one extremely famous quote that I'd like to share:

"The best pace is a suicide pace, and today is a good day to die."

Holy crap. Does that not get the testosterone flowing‽ Sadly, this superstar died in a car accident at the young age of 24, but like they say: only the good die young.

This next, and last, manly man I'd like to show you goes by the name of Dave Wottle. Wottle raced in the 1972 Olympic games in the shortest of all distance races, the 800 meter. I don't have to say anything more, the video says it all:

If those three examples of how obviously badass long distance running can be don't convince you of it's sheer testosterone-pumping insanity, then I don't know if you'll ever appreciate true manliness.

With manly love,
- The Situation

WORLD BEARD & MOUSTACHE CHAMPIONSHIPS

As we all know, manliness is in direct proportion to largliness.

And as you all should know, facial hair is manly. (Except for neck beards, of course. Neck beads are just shitbag-ly.) So how can you show everyone that you're extremely manly? With extremely largely facial hair!

Like so:

Every two years, the manliest of the manliest beard growers gather in one place, to compete in the World Beard & Moustache Championships.

This guy is always the winner:

At last year's even in Anchorage, the Overall winner was David Traver, of our own Team USA. However, the competition also has awards for specific categories, such as Fu Manchus, Sideburns, and 'Freestyle Beards'; the Germans, Swiss, English, and Belgians always take home their share of wins.

Needless to say, if you ever need stock photos of real men, look no further than the WB&MCs.

(The Championships have also inspired a video by LRR.)

- The Webmaster

Seth's first post

Alright, I can't wait to see what Seth wrote for today's post!

. . .

Wait a minute. . . why isn't there anything here?

Seth?

Seth?

. . .

Hmm.

I guess he just wasn't manly enough. So much for 'new content every day this week'.

All complaints should be forwarded to shlutter@gmail.com.

- The Webmaster

The Art of Bear Wrestling

Recently my calculus teacher saw a bear in her yard. Since she didn't know the proper way to handle a bear, she hid in her house. I'm here to help people with problems like this. Let's get started.

1. The first step is the most important: Rush the bear. When a bear gets to run towards you, the momentum behind it is more than enough to vaporize you.

2. WRESTLE. Once you get into the actual wrestling, you have to understand that bears are ruthless, and they WILL fight dirty. As you can see in this picture, the bear appears to be spanking this man to emotionally degrade and humiliate him.

3. Once you have wrestled with the bear for over 3 hours, he will start to slow down. This is your chance to disembowel the beast. Hold your pointer finger up and push it into his stomach, opening your fingers as you do this to get your whole fist into the animal.

4. After the demon has expired, you MUST take a part of the animal; tooth, claw etc. This is to ensure that the bear cannot fight its way out of hell and back into its body.

5. Celebrate! You have just killed your first bear! You can celebrate anyway you like, such as ice cream cake, or bear meat.

- Vexil